The gifts of giving back
Kajal loves to get involved... we started our local Jane Goodall Roots & Shoots chapter and Kajal has been learning about sea turtles so she can be a 'sea turtle scientist' and work to help save the sea turtles along the coast of South Carolina. As you all know, I truly believe that it is through giving, life gives us the greatest gifts and Kajal has come to take this philosophy to heart.
Saturday we volunteered with our Churches 'nerve to serve' program. The volunteer project was a visit to the local SPCA to give some love and exercise to the animals living there. Kajal checked out the dogs then went on to visit with some cats. The first cage she opened was that of a 3 year old Tabby named Simon. Simon pretty much wrapped himself around Kajal and it was love at first sight, for both of them. He purred, she smiled... she flopped him around in her arms and still.. he purred. I've never seen such a gentle soul in an animal. Kajal finally put him down and when the cage closed a cry wailed out that pulled Kajal back to play with him some more. Although she walked some dogs and spread her love around to the other animals.. Simon had her heart. As he purred she gazed up at me.
He purrs just like Sasha did Mom (Sasha, our precious pet that passed away from Cancer several months ago) He needs a home Mom. He needs someone to love him and adopt him.. to take care of him. You adopted me Mom and he needs me to adopt him...
The writing was on the wall.
I'll take care of him, I'll love him... I'll even sleep in my room every night forever if you let me adopt him. He can sleep with me mom...
Stop the presses...
Kajal, are you sure? You'll sleep in your own room? If you make this commitment it's serious.. he'll be frightened in a new home and he'll really need you to stick with him.. no matter what.
Oh mom, I'll love him and sleep with him forever! I'll change his litter, I'll clean his food and water.. I'll do it all.
I'm thinking, we already have two cats and three dogs at home. Never mind the three feral (becoming more tame, I think they're now calling it 'teral' cats we take care of, that live in our backyard).
As I watched Kajal with this gentle animal, stretched across her lap... purring as he gazed up at her, I found myself wondering how can I not? We have pets, family pets and Kajal loves them but this... this would be her own special pet. I knew she was responsible, I believed she'd truly work to help take care of him.
They have so much in common these two... gentle souls who had no one, but capable of loving just the same. When Kajal first came home she had such an open heart and so, it seems does this cat. He has nothing, but he loves like a mush.
I had Kajal sign the adoption papers with me and read through all of the information. We somberly talked about all the ways we would have to take care of him and about introducing him into our home and then we headed for home. A happy cat clutched in a cardboard box...
As we drove towards home, Kajal screamed out:
LIFE IS A MIRACLE!!!!!!! This is the happiest day of MY LIFE!
Her smile was beyond imagining... Kajal, I told her, you realize that there was a cost involved in adopting Simon. We're going to have to hold off for a little while on new toys and nintendo games. New stuff, period. We still need to get Simon a bed and a few toys to help him celebrate his new life and that's where our focus needs to be right now. Are you okay with that?
Oh, Mom, I'll never need a toy again! I have my own cat.. that's all I need.. truly.
She was so happy. Beaming, proud, in love with a Tabby. She asked me questions about cat care and the second we got home she popped in the cat care video that the SPCA gave her and she practically took notes.
Before long it was bedtime and sure enough, Kajal curled up in her own bed without an argument.. clutching Simon in her arms and the two of them fell asleep, peacefully, together.
Somehow, this cat knows. He knows that she needed him as much as he needed her. She carries him everywhere and he just hangs there, happy, in her arms. They play together and he watches as she lovingly scoops his litter and changes his food and water.
Simon was fearless at first. He approached our dogs without fear and our two cats who are around 14 years in age. The dogs give chase occasionally but it's the cats I'm worried about. They haven't responded so well and I'm afraid we may have a serious cat fight in our future. Not Simon, he'd be best friends with everyone if he could.. my cats are on guard and have come at him ready for a fight, not sure how to improve that just yet. I just hope they don't hurt him out of fear, he's a gentle soul who doesn't have an aggressive and defensive bone in his body. He just looks at us in confusion when they hiss at him.
It's been two nights since our homecoming and Kajal has continued to sleep in her bed, peacefully with Simon by her side.. throughout the night. This has been the longest consecutive period in the three years since she came home from India that she has been able to sleep without fear, without nightmares, without running into my room.. truly sleep peacefully... for more than one night. He sleeps by her, happy as can be.. purring away.
Yesterday we had a bit of a rough evening. Before bed Kajal was hungry and asked to have an apple. Simple enough. She was in the kitchen alone and I heard her rustling about. I thought she was just eating her apple but then it hit me it was a little too quiet. Kajal... I called. I walked into the Kitchen and found her with the apple and a huge knife lying on the counter next to her perfect slices.
Kajal isn't allowed to use the sharp knives and this one, this was a huge one. I raised my voice (to say the least) Kajal! You know it's against the rules to use the sharp knives! That is so dangerous, you could have hurt yourself! Why didn't you call me and say you wanted it cut!
I was so scared and angry and she just stood there with wide eyes... I don't know mom. I just wanted to cut it.
But you KNOW! You KNOW it's against the rules, I've told you 100 times not to touch those knives!
She didn't answer, just gazed up at me.
Okay (I calmed down, a little, not a lot) eat your apple but never, never again use those knives. Ask me if you want something cut... I do not want to see you hurt. It's my job as your mommy to take care of you, to see you safe and that means rules! Do you understand?! She nodded, no answer.
10 minutes later she was curled in a ball, hiding under a chair.
The blind fear and insecurity was back...
This is one of our greatest challenges. When Kajal does something wrong (she tries so hard most of the time to do things, right... almost too right, she puts pressure on herself to always get things 'right') and I have to correct her or in this case, raise my voice or yell (yep, I yell.. try not to, but it happens and I always.. always feel lousy and guilty after) then she goes to 'that' place. The place of self doubt and insecurity. There has to be consequences for actions but so often when she does something wrong and I get mad or even not mad, just firm... she crashes. Immediately assumes that's it, I don't love her.. her security feels at risk.
And let me tell you, it's hard when you're angry to 'reassure'. .but I try to, after I've calmed down and caught my breath. I was terrified when I saw her with that knife.
I asked her to come out from under the chair and led her to her bedroom. She had a tantrum. The first one in a long time... perhaps not a full blown tantrum but she screamed when I tried to hold her and reassure her and cried/screamed for a few minutes. When she calmed down, I asked her, Kajal, when you do something wrong and I raise my voice (Yell, Mommy, she said) alright, yell at you.. do you believe I don't love you anymore?
Yes, she answered.
Kajal, I do love you ... no matter what happens.. I'll always...
Don't say it Mom! You always say it! Blah Blah Blah.. you'll love me forever more than all the blah blah stars in the sky.. Don't say it MOM!
Okay, so that worked well.
Well, it's true, Kajal.. it's always going to be true, but I'm still your Mommy and it's my job to teach you right from wrong and sometimes when you do something really wrong, I am going to be mad. I'm human, it happens... it doesn't change how I feel about you.
Her back was turned. Simon jumped on the bed. he walked over to Kajal, smelled her face then he licked her tears.
Simon.
Just what she needed... he needed us and we needed him.
Mom, will you read me a book?
Sure, Kajal.. and so I read a book about a fox whose mother loved him, no matter what.
Saturday we volunteered with our Churches 'nerve to serve' program. The volunteer project was a visit to the local SPCA to give some love and exercise to the animals living there. Kajal checked out the dogs then went on to visit with some cats. The first cage she opened was that of a 3 year old Tabby named Simon. Simon pretty much wrapped himself around Kajal and it was love at first sight, for both of them. He purred, she smiled... she flopped him around in her arms and still.. he purred. I've never seen such a gentle soul in an animal. Kajal finally put him down and when the cage closed a cry wailed out that pulled Kajal back to play with him some more. Although she walked some dogs and spread her love around to the other animals.. Simon had her heart. As he purred she gazed up at me.
He purrs just like Sasha did Mom (Sasha, our precious pet that passed away from Cancer several months ago) He needs a home Mom. He needs someone to love him and adopt him.. to take care of him. You adopted me Mom and he needs me to adopt him...
The writing was on the wall.
I'll take care of him, I'll love him... I'll even sleep in my room every night forever if you let me adopt him. He can sleep with me mom...
Stop the presses...
Kajal, are you sure? You'll sleep in your own room? If you make this commitment it's serious.. he'll be frightened in a new home and he'll really need you to stick with him.. no matter what.
Oh mom, I'll love him and sleep with him forever! I'll change his litter, I'll clean his food and water.. I'll do it all.
I'm thinking, we already have two cats and three dogs at home. Never mind the three feral (becoming more tame, I think they're now calling it 'teral' cats we take care of, that live in our backyard).
As I watched Kajal with this gentle animal, stretched across her lap... purring as he gazed up at her, I found myself wondering how can I not? We have pets, family pets and Kajal loves them but this... this would be her own special pet. I knew she was responsible, I believed she'd truly work to help take care of him.
They have so much in common these two... gentle souls who had no one, but capable of loving just the same. When Kajal first came home she had such an open heart and so, it seems does this cat. He has nothing, but he loves like a mush.
I had Kajal sign the adoption papers with me and read through all of the information. We somberly talked about all the ways we would have to take care of him and about introducing him into our home and then we headed for home. A happy cat clutched in a cardboard box...
As we drove towards home, Kajal screamed out:
LIFE IS A MIRACLE!!!!!!! This is the happiest day of MY LIFE!
Her smile was beyond imagining... Kajal, I told her, you realize that there was a cost involved in adopting Simon. We're going to have to hold off for a little while on new toys and nintendo games. New stuff, period. We still need to get Simon a bed and a few toys to help him celebrate his new life and that's where our focus needs to be right now. Are you okay with that?
Oh, Mom, I'll never need a toy again! I have my own cat.. that's all I need.. truly.
She was so happy. Beaming, proud, in love with a Tabby. She asked me questions about cat care and the second we got home she popped in the cat care video that the SPCA gave her and she practically took notes.
Before long it was bedtime and sure enough, Kajal curled up in her own bed without an argument.. clutching Simon in her arms and the two of them fell asleep, peacefully, together.
Somehow, this cat knows. He knows that she needed him as much as he needed her. She carries him everywhere and he just hangs there, happy, in her arms. They play together and he watches as she lovingly scoops his litter and changes his food and water.
Simon was fearless at first. He approached our dogs without fear and our two cats who are around 14 years in age. The dogs give chase occasionally but it's the cats I'm worried about. They haven't responded so well and I'm afraid we may have a serious cat fight in our future. Not Simon, he'd be best friends with everyone if he could.. my cats are on guard and have come at him ready for a fight, not sure how to improve that just yet. I just hope they don't hurt him out of fear, he's a gentle soul who doesn't have an aggressive and defensive bone in his body. He just looks at us in confusion when they hiss at him.
It's been two nights since our homecoming and Kajal has continued to sleep in her bed, peacefully with Simon by her side.. throughout the night. This has been the longest consecutive period in the three years since she came home from India that she has been able to sleep without fear, without nightmares, without running into my room.. truly sleep peacefully... for more than one night. He sleeps by her, happy as can be.. purring away.
Yesterday we had a bit of a rough evening. Before bed Kajal was hungry and asked to have an apple. Simple enough. She was in the kitchen alone and I heard her rustling about. I thought she was just eating her apple but then it hit me it was a little too quiet. Kajal... I called. I walked into the Kitchen and found her with the apple and a huge knife lying on the counter next to her perfect slices.
Kajal isn't allowed to use the sharp knives and this one, this was a huge one. I raised my voice (to say the least) Kajal! You know it's against the rules to use the sharp knives! That is so dangerous, you could have hurt yourself! Why didn't you call me and say you wanted it cut!
I was so scared and angry and she just stood there with wide eyes... I don't know mom. I just wanted to cut it.
But you KNOW! You KNOW it's against the rules, I've told you 100 times not to touch those knives!
She didn't answer, just gazed up at me.
Okay (I calmed down, a little, not a lot) eat your apple but never, never again use those knives. Ask me if you want something cut... I do not want to see you hurt. It's my job as your mommy to take care of you, to see you safe and that means rules! Do you understand?! She nodded, no answer.
10 minutes later she was curled in a ball, hiding under a chair.
The blind fear and insecurity was back...
This is one of our greatest challenges. When Kajal does something wrong (she tries so hard most of the time to do things, right... almost too right, she puts pressure on herself to always get things 'right') and I have to correct her or in this case, raise my voice or yell (yep, I yell.. try not to, but it happens and I always.. always feel lousy and guilty after) then she goes to 'that' place. The place of self doubt and insecurity. There has to be consequences for actions but so often when she does something wrong and I get mad or even not mad, just firm... she crashes. Immediately assumes that's it, I don't love her.. her security feels at risk.
And let me tell you, it's hard when you're angry to 'reassure'. .but I try to, after I've calmed down and caught my breath. I was terrified when I saw her with that knife.
I asked her to come out from under the chair and led her to her bedroom. She had a tantrum. The first one in a long time... perhaps not a full blown tantrum but she screamed when I tried to hold her and reassure her and cried/screamed for a few minutes. When she calmed down, I asked her, Kajal, when you do something wrong and I raise my voice (Yell, Mommy, she said) alright, yell at you.. do you believe I don't love you anymore?
Yes, she answered.
Kajal, I do love you ... no matter what happens.. I'll always...
Don't say it Mom! You always say it! Blah Blah Blah.. you'll love me forever more than all the blah blah stars in the sky.. Don't say it MOM!
Okay, so that worked well.
Well, it's true, Kajal.. it's always going to be true, but I'm still your Mommy and it's my job to teach you right from wrong and sometimes when you do something really wrong, I am going to be mad. I'm human, it happens... it doesn't change how I feel about you.
Her back was turned. Simon jumped on the bed. he walked over to Kajal, smelled her face then he licked her tears.
Simon.
Just what she needed... he needed us and we needed him.
Mom, will you read me a book?
Sure, Kajal.. and so I read a book about a fox whose mother loved him, no matter what.
This might be my favorite of all your posts, which is saying a lot! My Kajal and I share your big love for animals and also regularly volunteer to help them - I cant wait to show this to her. Sounds like Simon and Kajal are a match made in heaven. Lucky Simon to find someone to cherish him all his life, and lucky Kajal to discover a new part of herself. Her courage seems to have grown by sharing her love with another living creature who needs her. PERFECT - God is so smart, he sent just what she needed. Love all the new pics you posted - Simon and Kajal are GORGEOUS, especially together. Blessings to you and your menagerie (and NICE WORK Simon, way to spot a sucker a mile away! lol)
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