We all love the holidays... any holiday. I was blessed with a mother that knew how to celebrate and managed to make every holiday magical. When I was growing up I had no doubt the Easter bunny had hopped through our home, that Santa Claus had rested his feet at our fire place... that Leprechans loved to play silly tricks on us. Magic felt real in my home and I can't help the desire to continue to follow in the loving traditions that I was raised with.  Of course, my mother was smarter than I. She knew to keep it simple and managed to create magic within that simplicity. I'm trying to retain that lesson but it's not always so easy to do. It may be that I dreamed of being a mother for so long, of all the things I wanted to do with my child that when the opportunity finaly came along to be that mom... I find myself going overboard, perhaps catching up for lost time, and overdoing it in the process.

Take the Tooth Fairy for example. I was raised that when you lost a tooth you placed it under the pillow and the Tooth Fairy came. She took the tooth and left behind a quarter... maybe when we were really lucky, a silver dollar. It was wonderful!

When Kajal lost her first tooth, the Tooth Fairy came too. Kajal's Tooth Fairy left a trail of fairy dust, a note telling her how much she loved her, a dollar and a present.  Then every time Kajal lost a tooth, the same Fairy would go a little crazy... leaving her trail of fairy dust everywhere she must have flown along with her little gifts. Even the time Kajal lost 5 teeth in as many weeks, the Tooth Fairy appeared working her magic.

The last tooth Kajal lost was about a month ago. Things went a little differently. Kajal found fairy dust and a present waiting for her but she couldn't find a dollar bill and a personal note.

Kajal was very upset... ran around the house ripping everything apart. Where's the note Mommy?! She was so upset she verged on tears through out the day.

Well, honey, maybe the tooth Fairy was tired? Maybe she had a lot of teeth to pick up and did things a little differently this time...

NO MOM! The Tooth Fairy, ALWAYS leaves a NOTE!

Uh oh.

We continued through out the day to look for the note and the missing dollar bill until it was almost bed time.

Kajal! Look what I found! I called out to her.. desperate to see her smile again.

What Mom?

I found your note! It was caught up in the sheets, we must have missed it earlier.

Oh, that's great Mom... I knew she'd leave a note!

She was so happy and relieved... especially when I also found the missing dollar bill under a chair in the upstairs hallway. It even had some Indian money hidden away with it.

Wow, I wondered aloud, I wonder how it ended up here? Perhaps Amber, the puppy was playing with it and left it here earlier, what do you think Kajal?

Sure, Mom. That makes sense.. .(she's quietly thinking) but what's so strange is I looked there earlier and didn't see anything..

Gulp.

Oh I know Mom, the cat was under the chair too... she must have been sleeping on top of the money.

That's right Kajal, she must have.

Hm. Simple. I should have remembered that three years ago.

So that brings us to today, Valentines day. Every year for Valentines my mother used to leave a small heart shaped box full of chocolates at the foot of our bed. Perfect. It was always wonderful and perfect.

Could I follow her simple and so perfect example... nooooooo.... a box of chocolate just didn't seem 'enough' not with all those cute little Valentines gifts floating around out there.

Each year, I build a pile of silly Valentines.. .a snuggly stuffed animal, the pre-requisite heart shaped box of chocolate, fun pencils or art supplies, Valetine clothing or pajamas, heart shaped lolly pops, heart shaped jewelry.. .and so on. I arrange everything in a place I know Kajal will find it.. I love the idea of her waking up in the morning full of excitement and awe.

This year Kajal was really into it. She was into the giving as much as the excitement of what she would receive. At church she learned about treating others as you'd would like to be treated and the Golden Rule. She had asked me to take her to the store so she could pick out some cards and gifts. She snuck them to the register and I paid while keeping my eyes averted until her loot was hidden away in a bag.

She hid away in her room wrapping her gifts and giggled as she controled herself from giving away hints. She helped me hide away the orchid we'd picked out for my mother and we both were full of excitement for the big day.

After she fell asleep I arranged all of her gifts on the night table besides the bed, then fell into an exhausted sleep. When Kajal awoke at 5 AM she raced down stairs and I fell back to sleep for another grateful hour of rest.

At 6:30 I awoke and noticed the room was still dark. I called out her name and when she came to the room I could see something was horribly wrong.

What is it honey, what's the matter?

I looked Mommy, I looked everywhere but I couldn't find any Valentines for me. I only found Grandma's.

She looked heartbroken, shattered, sad and shutdown.

But Kajal, honey... didn't you turn on the light this morning. The light on the night table? Whe always turns the light on first thing.  I pointed to the table. There in the shadows of the room was a friendly pink bear holding a heart shaped pillow in her arms surrounded by heart shaped lolly pops, a beautiful Barbie, gifts and card.

Kajal approached unsurely.

I didn't see it Mommy, I didn't want to turn on the light since it was Valentines, I wanted you to sleep in.

Oh... the thought of her running around the house for an hour and a half, looking for gifts only to find nothing... reinforcing all those feelings of self doubt and unworthiness.

She couldn't even seem to rally herself to get excited about her gifts... she didn't trust them or me.

Kajal, I'm so sorry. I really thought you'd see them first thing, I wanted you too.

But MOM! You ALWAYS put the Valentines gifts on the kitchen table! You did it in Boston and you did it here too, every year!

Oh my.. again, I got in trouble for not keeping it simple.

Honey, I'm sorry... I forgot. I didn't realize I do the same thing every year. (I guess it's the Easter Bunny that puts the basket on the night table).

Shoot.

I held her and helped her open her gifts.

Kajal, did you really think I wouldn't get you something? That I wouldn't celebrate you?

She looked at me with such deep sadness in her eyes...

Yes mom, when I didn't find anything, I thought that I didn't get anything. I was sad.

I hugged and kissed her... Kajal, listen to me. I promise you. A holiday wouldn't be a holiday with out you. I wouldn't want to celebrate a holiday without celebrating you. I will always, always... find something special to give you on special days... always, this I promise you. Can you try and trust that?

She didn't answer, but I know she was trying desperately... to believe.

A little while later she gave me her present. The card was the most beautiful card I'd ever received, truly.

It was a card meant for a great love...

All I need is you
You give me warmth and tenderness
you fill my heart with pride
you give me trust and friendship
and you take my faults in stride
you add such love and meaning
to everything we do
you give me so much happieness
that all i need is you.

Then she wrote:
I love you so very much. you are the best mother i the world.  No one is as lucky as I am. Kajal.

Her gift was a music box we'd made together at a Lowes work shop... it had a heard shaped cover and played beautiful classical music.

I wanted you to have this Mom, to remember that we made it together.

She hugged me and I felt her love and fragileness.

I read these words and truly I was in awe... in awe at this precious child who'd never known love... who in such a few years has not only opened her heart but has become truly in tune with her feelings and emotions.

Her love is the greatest gift ... the most precious gift I could ever imagine.

To all our friends all over the world... may love and hope surround your heart and keep you safe and cherished today.




Happy Valentines Day...