Speak India to me Mommy
My mother and I were hanging out with Kajal after dinner the other day and Kajal said 'speak India to me Mommy'.
Well, I never really mastered much Marathi prior to picking Kajal up so I certainly hadn't retained any in the last two years. Well, I don't really remember much, baby. Hmmm, let me think...
Well, I can tell you a few things I remember but it may not exactly be Marathi....
Namaste (the beautiful Hindi greeting)
Badroom (Kajal's first word to me our first night in the hotel, yes, her way of telling me she needed the bathroom)
Shakalah (I have no idea if this was Marathi but it sounded like that and it was Kajal's way of demanding sugar)
Kajal hooted and hollared and laughed with glee at my lack of accent.
What about you, Kajal. Do you remember any Marathi words?
Hmmmm... she thought about it. No, Mommy, they're locked away in my head.
I remember how beautifully she spoke the language and then how afraid she was of anyone who spoke the language to her when we came home. She was so traumaticized by her life experience that when she came to the states she shut down if anyone tried to speak with her in her native language.
Unfortunately, we don't know anyone yet nearby of Indian heritage but I'm feeling that it's critical that we find and connect with some local Indian families. I'd like to expose her more to her native culture. I was so gungho about it when we first came home but with the exception of wearing bindi's and Indian clothes her reaction to anything from India was often negative. 'India bad' she would say or 'India hurt children'. How could I argue with that? Her life in India was extremely painful and full of lonely hardship.
I do keep books of India around the house, always within reach and have played Indian music. I try and remind her of the good... the beauty that exists in India. My brother works with a woman from India who sent Kajal some beautiful gifts from India, clothing and dolls, bangles. She had never even met Kajal but extended such loving kindness and generosity... I want Kajal to know this about India too. That there are loving, kind and gentle Indian people who can connect with her in ways she has yet to experience.
It's so easy to get caught up in 'life' in daily living but I think it's also important to take the time to explore aspects of her cultural history and identity in ways that can help her come to celebrate where she was born and who she is, as a child of India.
After all, she has the most beautiful spirit, a reflection of where she has come from, what she has lived through and who she is becoming...
My Pipsqueak would also shut down whenever she heard anyone speaking Marathi to her when she first came home from India. She was almost 18 months and was terrified of women in saris or salwars.
We lived in Dallas then and did run into Indian women sometimes- the way she clung to me broke my heart.
I remember about 3 weeks after coming home the adoption agency had a celebration for Indian adoptions and their Indian coordinator was there. A lovely women who spoke fluent Marathi. She was holding the Pipsqueak (first Indian woman she'd let near her) and I asked how to say I love you in Marathi.
The woman told me and Pipsqueak literally jumped from her arms into mine sobbing and shrieking with fear. She wouldn't go near the woman again.
However, on the way home I said the words to her in the car and she lit up like a Christmas tree and blew me kisses. It was nice to know they were not unfamiliar words to her and she had heard them before. We still say I love you in Marathi and it's a nice tradition.
Sorry to be so long but memories just come flooding back... oh btw the Pipsqueak is now 9 and has been home for 8 years. I can't believe it!
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Thank you so much for sharing with us... our children may have different life experiences but they also have many of the same and definitely some of the same triggers...
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