I wish you all could see it... spring is here in the south and the natural beauty takes our breath away. As we drive down the street the Live Oak trees soar over head, moss floats in the wind along side thousands of blooming wisteria plants. The wisteria is like nothing I've ever seen and it's literally, everywhere. Driving down a highway or a country road the lavendar flowers drape above and around you. Thousands of fuscia azalea flowers bloom as well, in front of homes, lining the winding roads... White flowering pear trees and dogwoods are everywhere... I've never seen such natural, breathtaking beauty and it's literally all around us, everywhere we go.

I was driving down a busy road, full of traffic in bright daylight the other day and a deer stepped in the road. We're talking a traffic filled busy street and there she was, delicate as can be... eyes huge and full of fear, questioning herself which way to go. I prayed like crazy that she would be safe as I inched my car along, whispering over and over... go back, run from the road. My mother and I stared in awe (oh I wish Kajal had been with us) as she stepped forward first, looking at us and the other cars racing by and then, thank God, she turned and ran back into the woods lining the street. Mom! We saw our first deer! We are really in the South now!

As much as I miss Boston, this natural landscape truly has captured our hearts... we love the nature, the flowers the trees and yes... the deer. It amazes us, city women and child that we are. Kajal thanked me the other day, for the trees. She loves all that she see's and we all find ourselves constantly oooohing and aaaaahing at the blossuming beauty around us.

I'm trying to learn to garden... I've killed every house plant I've ever had but for some reason I'm really into the concept of filling my yard with flowers and creating a natural and peaceful haven for us. I'm reading as many books on gardening in the area that I can find and carry a 5 pound book on 'flowers of the south' everywhere that I go. I'm still confused at how often to water the yard as I've got a combination of sod and seed depending on where you're standing. Kajal's totally into it and we even found a little princess spade and garden kit for her. I was outside watering the yard today when Kajal came out and asked about going to a friend down the street. I told her we could go after I was done and she disapeared from sight. I finished my work and went into the house to look for her so that I could take her to the neighbors when I found that she was gone.

My heart started to race as I ran through the house calling her name and then I knew... she'd gone anyway, without me. Now granted it's only a few houses away but the thought of her leaving by herself, walking down the street without me or my mother watching over her, without someone we trust watching over her... that freaked me out. I ran towards the neighbors house and heard the laughing voices in their front yard. Car's blocked my view but I called out Kajal's name, louder and louder until she finally responded and ran towards me.

Kajal, you're coming home now! Now! As she walked towards me, doubt and fear on her face, I didn't care who was listening.
You never, NEVER leave the house without me or Grandma! You NEVER go anywhere alone! Play time is OVER! In the house NOW!

I sat her down in the house and as her bottom lip started to quiver and the tears started to fall, I explained very clearly to her that it is my job to keep her safe. I set rules for reasons, those reasons are based on my love for her and my wish to keep her safe from harm.  I care for you, I worry about you because I love you and that is the reason we have these rules.

As her nose started to run and the tears fells what was most heart breaking was her eyes... they started to glaze over as she glared at me unblinkingly. They radiated anguish and self doubt.

I knew I had to be firm, teach this lesson, drive home the importance of this critical rule but watching her crumble, watching the pain in her face, the doubt I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her it was going to be okay.

I asked her to sit closer, to let me hold her while we talked but she held herself firm and kept distance between us. She told me she hated me and I told her that was okay. I loved her always. Then she whispered that she loved me still, too.

Am I being too protective? I dont think so. I see the children that run the streets alone, without families watching over them and then I hear the stories on the news at night. Too many stories of children hurt by accidents, by strangers.

It's such a fine line... letting them spread their wings and discover their independence while also keeping them safe. Half the time I don't know what to do, I question myself, I wonder.... am I making her worse, weaker or am I teaching her how to be strong?