Life most days is wonderfully normal. We are happy. My mother living with us actually brings a youthful silliness to many of our days. I swear, she embraces life's simplicities at times in such refreshing ways... she has a way of laughing with Kajal, of kidding around with her that reminds me at times that I need to loosen up. We all find things to laugh about, to kid around about, together. Kajal has established her 'chores' thanks to my mothers rules. Initially, I bawked at some of the 'rules' my mother wanted to impart. I felt she was too strict... I know, I'm confusing you. Silly and strict, that's my mother... both, depending on the moment, depending on the day. I actually had a talk with her one day, maybe we can have less rules. I wanted to impart my own parenting style, less strict, more compassionate and creative. That was until I realized the house was cleaner, the homework got done faster and Kajal actually flossed her teeth on a regular basis when we tried living with a few of those rules. Kajal actually sets and clears the table for dinner every day and it still 'wows' me.

We're truly blessed, ... we live in a home full of love. Of course, as you all know, we also have our tough times. Real life, normal tough times and tough times that are more than a little intense due to Kajal's history. That being said, figuring out when the challenges derive from, 'normal' little girl moments of defiance vs. post traumatic stress resulting from her history in India, is where the question can lie... let me tell you the 'Barbie' scene that happened recently.

Kajal had been haunting me for a new Barbie video. First, I have to say, I've done everything in my power to steer Kajal away from traditional 'princess' stories and the whole 'Barbie' craze. I read books about children from around the world, focus on animals and creative learning etc. I just didn't want Kajal to fall into the 'prince will save me' path or 'have to look like barbie' to be accepted/beautiful, but all the Dora/Diego movies and ethnic hero's didn't keep my little one from falling into the princess/barbie craze. I gave in and just do everything I can to 'mix it up' for her as much as I can. That being said, she's been obsessed with the new Barbie Mermaid movie that just came out and I decided to create some motivation. I told her that I'd get the video for her if she did several things every day, for three days. Things like, go to sleep in her own room (with me holding her until she falls asleep, of course) brushing/flossing her teeth at least twice a day and a few other special household projects my mother came up with.  Well, I made the mistake of admiting, by accident, that I'd already purchased the video and had it tucked away... BIG MISTAKE! When she realized it was actually in the house she almost had a melt down. I take that back, she had a meltdown.

Now, I know that the worst thing you can do is cave at a tantrum, but this wasn't exactly a tantrum. More like streaming, silent tears and pleading eyes... okay, maybe it was a tantrum. She actually went up to her room and lay down in her bed, crying silently for over an hour. I tried to talk sense into her but she just rocked back and forth with this dazed, teary eyed look repeating over and over, I want the Barbie Video.

I caved.

I actually found myself negotiating with her. I swear though, her eyes looked like she was in the worst possible pain in the world. Like I was holding food back from her or something. I still can't believe I caved. So I negotiated five days vs. three of everything we'd discussed and we made a chart together.

I still can't believe I caved and it only took two hours. What a wimp.

My mother could barely talk with me for the next day... what a way to teach a child a lesson.

On another night after she'd pulled some rude behavior on me I put her to bed and she could sense the disapointment in me. She asked me, Mommy, do you want to take me back to India and trade me in?

My mother thinks in these moments she's playing me. I don't. Well, in the barbie video scene she was playing me but in other moments, like this one, I know she's not. She really still wonders, more and more rare, thank God... but she wonders still, will I want to take her back.

I'll never trade you in, or take you back. It's you and me forever. I remind her.

If we adopt another child though, will you love them more than me? No baby, you'll always be special, you'll always be my first child. My Kajal. I will always love you, for you but I explain to her that I have enough love for more children and that I know, she has enough love to share too.

She has kept up her 'bargain' and every night now, I take her to her room and hold her until she falls asleep. This is huge. She's falling asleep, finally in her own room. Granted, she comes into my room every night, at some point, to crawl into bed and sleep with me but each night she seems to make it a little bit longer on her own. At first she fought against it. When the five days were up she was so psyched. Mommy, I can sleep in your bed again. I reminded her that her room was safe and that I wanted her to keep trying, because Mommy's and little girls are supposed to have their own rooms. She doesn't like that very much.

Will you stay with me until I fall asleep, Mommy? Yes, of course I will.
Oh, then I'll stay in my room forever! (Wow!)

As I pack Kajal's lunch box in the morning I often insert little surprises on. Tinker Bell stickers, a favorite treat or just a note reminding her that I love her.

I was running late the other morning and she surprised me by making her own lunch. When I came down stairs she held up her lunch box, radiating pride. I even made the peanut butter sandwich, Mommy, she smiled. I asked if I could check, just to make sure she had enough in there and sure enough, there was her little pudding pack, her yogurt stick, tangerine and sandwich. There also was a note on a napkin, 'I love you Kajal, Mommy' written out in her perfect little hand.

You know they know you love them, when they can copy your love notes as if it's just a matter, of fact.