Are you listening?
Have you ever noticed how you can whisper the word 'icecream' and your child can hear you from a room away but repeat 'please pick up your room' five times, escalating in volume and your child looks at you confused, 'I didn't hear you, Mom'.
Since as long as I can remember (well, much of the two years Kajal has been home with me) Kajal has asked for me to turn up the TV, turn up the radio, turn up the CD player and often complained that 'she couldn't hear me' when I asked her to do something. As she sits staring at the TV, playing on the computer or using her Leapster she focuses so completely on what she's doing that I can be standing right next to her and she wont hear me. When I lose my patience and raise my voice to get her attention she'll jump out of her skin and eye's wide whisper confused... but I didn't you, Mom.
About a year ago I brought it up with her doctors... should we test her hearing further? See if something is going on? No, they said... she's been submerged in this culture and language so quickly it takes time to process all that is going on around her, even the sound of my voice. They told me that she may literally hear me simply as background noise, not using specific words unless she's totally focusing on me at the time I'm speaking with her.
It seems like it's been getting worse though, lately. Several times a day Kajal will ask me to repeat myself or express that she hasn't heard something I've said to her. I finally called the Doctor and asked her to refer us to an ENT (Ears Nose Throad expert) to check her out 'just in case'.
I was pretty much prepared to have them tell us that everything was okay and then I could explain to Kajal that she really does need to simply pay attention to what's going on around her a little bit more.
That's not what happened.
The Doctor ran some quick tests and in moments told me that Kajal had massive hearing loss in her right ear. Hmmm.. maybe I'd been whispering 'ice cream' while standing on the left side. Oops.
I felt so small. My child was trying to tell me something, for a very long time and I was the one not hearing her.
Fluid was trapped behind her eardrum resulting in the hearing loss... the Doctor showed me a picture of what could have happened to her eardrum if we didn't treat it, right away. The damage could have become permanent. Thank goodness, with a month of treatment she's got a good chance of getting her hearing back.
Please God, I prayed, let me listen, really listen to Kajal when she's trying to tell me sometihng! It's so easy to get bogged down by life, overwhelmed and how quickly we make excuses to justify why something is the way it is versus taking the time to listen to our children and make the appointments to make sure everything really is, okay.
I never stopped to think something really could be 'wrong'. If she told me she couldn't hear the TV, I'd tell her to stop talking and 'listen'.
I felt sick when I realized what I'd missed and furious with myself for not following my instincts a year ago when I first noticed the problem and bought into the Doctors excuses versus insisting on having her tested.
One more lesson, learned.
Hi Lisa-
The same thing happened to me when I was Kajals' age- for quite a while my parents did not think anything of my hearing problems, also with reassurances from docs that it was nothing- it was only after a teacher suggested that I might have mental retardation that they realized something else might be wrong-hearing problems can be tough to catch in young kids, especially when there are so many other things going on. Did you know I wear a hearing aid cuz I am deaf in my right ear? Talk to you soon, and sending you a lot of love.
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Dear Lisa,
Lee had lots of hearing difficulty when she was little. Tubes in the ears worked miracles. Consider them if the fluid problem is not quickly corrected or recurs. We are thrilled that Lee and Ted will be producing a baby boy cousin for Kajal on or about April 24th. Love, Aunt Louisa and Uncle Billy
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Hi Lisa and Kajal,
You don't know me, but I feel like I know you! I have been following your blog for a really long time and am touched by your story. I am in the porocess of adopting from India as well, and read many blogs on a regular basis, but yours is one of the really special ones that I look forward to reading.
I noticed you havent posted any updates lately, and just wanted to say I hope you both are doing well.Love to you both.
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Thank you so much, for following our story and for writing to us... I am so thrilled for you that you are adopting from India as well.. please keep us updated with your journey, we'd love to hear from you!
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