Sick Days
We saw the doctor and Kajal is still too ill to return to school. Her lungs are finally clear from the pneumonia but bronchitis still has her in it's grips and the doctor felt it would be safer to keep her home one more week. Two weeks out of school... the biggest challenge is keeping her from bouncing off of the walls. We're doing a bit of home schooling, keeping up with the work while she's out as best we can and supplimenting it with learning software, jumpstart (love that) and books that I print off line. She's a whiz at math and is reading! It amazes me to watch her sound out words.
After I finished work today, Kajal, my mother and I cranked the Christmas carols and built a gingerbread house. It was beautiful... we all added our personal touches and laughed until we practically cried when it collapsed under the weight of too much frosting and gumdrops.
She is so breathtakingly beautiful, so kind and loving.... she amazes me all the time.
Last night she struggled to go to sleep and acted out a bit (nothing too outrageous but it did lead to a few tears and my losing my patience) This morning she looked at me, crushed. Mom, I forgot?
You forgot what?
I forgot that Santa was watching.
She was devastated that she might have upset Santa and have to suffer the consequences on Christmas morning. I reassured her that Santa understood that all children have moments when their behavior might not be what he'd wish for but that he knew what was most important, that she had a good heart and that she cared about doing the right thing.
That seemed to appease her and throughout the day I noticed her trying, trying so hard to learn and to behave.
Sometimes, she tries too hard and I need to encourage her to relax...
There was a moment today when I'd gone out to get some groceries and Kajal was being watched over by my Mother. My mother had stepped into her room leaving Kajal in the next room watching Dora (or something similar) My Mother heard horrific screaming and came running to see what had happened.
Kajal was standing in the middle of the living room screaming at the top of her lungs.
Kajal, what happened? My mother asked panicked, checking her over but seeing nothing amiss.
Mommy's gone... Mommy's gone. Was all Kajal would say.
My Mother reminded her that yes, I was gone but only for a little while... I'd just gone to the store.
Oh, yeah, I forgot. Kajal muttered before turning back to her show as if nothing had happened.
The panic still comes, two years later... the overwhelming fear that I will leave her.
That she will be left, alone.
Lisa, I dont post often but I regularly check back to see what is new and how your darling girl is doing. I enjoy your heartfelt posts so much and I am often intrigued to see how Kajal shows some classic signs of her situation. We saw an intl adoption therapist after my Kajal came home and what you are describing is atextbook "permanence" issue. When you leave the room, you are GONE and she cant get her brain around your permanence and the fact that you WILL come back. Very interesting. It just fascinates me to watch her progress - your blog is a great read for anyone adopting an older child. You are doing a marvelous job helping her grow and evolve. I am so glad you are all enjoying your new home. I am sepshally glad that her new classmates are so kind and sweet - the notes they sent home to her made me cry. Anyway, I really enjoy your blog and thank you for sharing your journey with Kajal with us. Wishing you a wonderful holiday in your new home!
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