One of the sweetest moments of my day is when I pick Kajal up at the end of it. Those quiet moments while we walk home hand in hand. Like all Moms, I ask her how her day was and she tells me. What is even more precious is that she's started to turn to me, over the dinner table and ask "how was your day Mom, what did you do today?" She asks so politely and always with true curiosity. It's so simple and yet always makes me melt.

We have so much going on right now. I'm packing the house for our move to Charleston SC, learning to drive (yes, learning) and Kajal has started summer camp. Most of our days are full of love and humor, kindness and generosity. We truly have fun together. We have our game time, every night... it's our quiet time, just the two of us and I have to admit, she beats me most times with out even trying. She's so smart! She has this naturally strategic mind that seems to see two steps ahead.

We did have a bit of a tough time after Kajal met with a Psychologist who practices the Ericksonian method of healing. It's an incredible method of communicating with the subconscious mind to heal painful events of the past.

We discussed little outwardly, very simply he explained to Kajal that he would help her 'inner guides' heal her from the bad things that happened in India with the goal of ending her nightmares and fears of being unsafe when darkness falls. Kajal was totally responsive and excited about the concept of, in her words, magic inside of herself... healing herself.

Within 24 hours though it became obvious the work had shaken up her internal memories and worst nightmares. She acted out. It was a Friday night and we were both looking forward to watching a film on the Disney Channel that they'd been advertising for months. Don't you just hate that, the way tv stations throw teasers out there months before the release date? Kajal had this particular 'princess' movie on our calendar for a month. We were so excited and at the last moment realized we need to run out for some popcorn. She wanted to bring her scooter, I told her no... not in the store etc. She wouldn't let it go and before I knew it she actually head butted me right in the stomach. Head butted me! Now, Kajal is not physical... she's doesn't hit me or even attempt to. She hugs.

This stunned me. What do I do? What's the consequence? I thought to cancel the film but she'd been looking forward to it for so long that seemed too extreme for me. I know it was just a film but she'd looked forward to it for so long.

I sat next to her and told her how sad I was by her actions. She started crying, the thought of missing the film crushing her. Of course I could have taped it and had her watch it another day but somehow that didn't seem right either. Well, Kajal, what do you think is the appropriate consequence for your behavior? I asked. With tears streaming down her face she very calmly said, You can punch me.

What? I was stunned... Kajal, punching you is not an option, it will never be an appropriate option, no matter what. I will never hit you. Hitting is wrong and it's not part of this family.

But you want to punch me mommy don't you? It's okay with me if you do.

Oh my goodness... my baby, in that moment, truly believed this. Worse, she believed she deserved it. I told her that her behavior was bad but that she was good and didn't deserve to be hit, ever, by anyone. I calmly reassured her how much I love her and that it was my job to keep her safe.... the words seemed to glaze over her.

I then told her that since she got upset and acted out over the scooter I felt the appropriate consequence was to not be able to use her scooter for 2 days, the whole weekend. She sulked, but perked up when I made a huge bowl of popcorn and we curled up together to watch the Disney movie, after all.

With the help of Kajal's psychologist we came to realize that her acting out was definitely tied to stirring up the subconscious memories of her life in India. With a little more work, she has calmed down and seems so much more at peace. I'd like to believe, inside, she's healing.

I've been following this story in the news about a father who killed his 7 year old son. He beat his son so badly he literally pushed his head through a wall. Every time I see this beautiful child's face in the news, I cry. How can someone hurt an innocent child so horrifically? I've been thinking more and more about adopting again, most likely a child out of the foster care system domestically. Primarily because it would give us a chance to meet the child and make sure it's the right fit before proceeding. I see this boy and I wonder why he wasn't protected, placed in a safe home. Why didn't someone save him before his life was ended so tragically. I find myself wondering who Kajal's brothers and sisters might be...my future children. I pray for them now, that they are safe.

I try to not think about Kajal's life in India but there are days when I can't help but wonder and my heart, my soul, hurts for the harm that was done to her. All the people that raised their hands or fists, that ate in front of her when she was hungry, that left her unattended, uncared for, that treated her like she was 'less than'. All the people that hurt her, all that did nothing to help her.