When I picked Kajal up from her afterschool program today she was hungry, really hungry. Normally, I pack her a lunch, a snack for late afternoon and occasionally I give her a dollar to get an extra snack from the vending machines at the community center.

She kept whispering 'hungry mommy, hungry' to me as I talked with the senior counselor about summer plans. As I walked her out I asked if she'd eaten her lunch and her snack and she said yes but when I asked her if she used her dollar for an 'extra extra snack' she said she lost it. Hmmm. I know she's had a habit of either giving away her snack money or having other children take it from her. She finally admitted that she put it on a table and turned away for a bit, when she turned back it was gone. Oooh was I angry at what  ever little brat stole her money.

As I walked her home she became more and more agitated. She started to whimper and cry and make 'the motion'. I've mentioned it here before, when Kajal's really hungry or tired her old habit of begging for food comes back. She doesn't even realize what she's doing but she makes the ageless motion of curling up her fingers to her thumb and motioning back and forth to the mouth without saying a word. That's the motion the children in the streets of India made as they begged. Here she was, my little girl walking down the streets of Boston, silently crying and making that motion.

By the time we got in the house she was sobbing. Thank God I had rushed a quick and easy dinner for her and luckily due to little preparation time it was her old favorite comfort food, rice and turkey gravy. It was warm and waiting but she was crying too hard to eat. Her eyes had glazed over completely and it wasn't even like she was present anymore.She looked completely hopeless, I hadn't seen this kind of despair in her eyes for a long, long time. She wouldn't even lift her hands to eat and her eyes were streaming tears. I fed her, one bite at a time rubbing her back, whispering calm words to her until she could focus again.

Most children get grumpy when they're hungry, they cry, they act out. Kajal's hunger pains subconsciouslly triggered her worst memories and life experiences, they brought her to an emotional place of total hopelessness and despair.

When she had relaxed and her tears were dried I promised her that I would put an 'extra extra snack or sandwich' in her bag every day, something hidden away that she could always find just in case her food that day, wasn't enough. I reassured her that I would do everything in my power to make sure she never felt so hungry again.

Thank you Mom, was all she whispered as she curled up snug and happy in my arms again.