I still can't quite believe it happened. I've seen the way some people look at us and at my beautiful child. I've seen hatred in the eyes of strangers. I've seen disgust and derision. I pray she's never recognized what it is or where it comes from. As a blonde, caucasian I've lived with blinders on much of my life. Believing that racism was a thing of the past, until I brought Kajal home. Don't get me wrong... it's rare. So often I see nothing but love and compassion in the eyes of strangers, curiosity and kindness but I've also seen the dark side reflected in eyes of those who walk with anger and prejudice in their hearts.

This morning though, racism hit home... hard.  Kajal and I planned on catching a train to visit with my father. He's been having trouble with his vision lately and we wanted to spend the day with him. Kajal loves having a grandfather and my father doesn't hesitate to spoil her when he sees her. I called a cab nice and early and as we waited outside, I started to grow nervous, 20 minutes went by, then ten more and time was running short. I called several times and the company told me that a few cabs had tried to find our little street but had gone to the wrong address. Finally they told me a cab was around the corner and as we saw the cab pull down our tiny street, Kajal and I grabbed our back packs and as the cab slowed to approach, I reached for the door. The driver looked at the two of us then he stepped on the gas... and raced past us, down the street.

I didn't handle it well. I waved my arms and screamed bloody murder. Poor Kajal, confused, she started to cry. I called the cab company and let them have it, even the dispatcher was upset but sadly enough when I explained what I thought had happened (out of Kajal's hearing) he wasn't surprised. He gave me the cab number and told me we could actually report it to the police and on behalf of the company, he apologized. Thank God, Kajal didn't ask why it happened... I don't think I've got it in me to talk about this with her. She's experienced so much hatred and abuse in her short life already, so much prejudice. I've explained in the past that some people are so unhappy with their own lives that they take out their unhappieness on others. I've explained that others don't understand things or people that are different and they express their confusion in negative ways sometimes. I just didn't have it in me to tell her that's what happened today.

I pulled myself together and told Kajal that we'd missed our train and we needed to cancel on my father. I suggested we take our anger and upset and turn it around, put it away so that we could have a happy day. She dried her tears as I suggested gardening at our Church and we put our backpacks away and headed for the Old North gardens. We did have a wonderful day after all but as the day has gone by I have moments where the disbelief of what happens takes a hold of me and I'm left feeling stunned and more than a little, sickened.