It came out of the blue. We were having dinner and Kajal looked at me, Mom? Yeah, honey. Do you still love me, even though... even though we're different? I jumped right in, Honey... absolutely I love you, I love you more all the time but tell me, what do you mean, 'different'. Different colors, Mommy, we're different colors... do you still love me, even though?

I love you more because we're different, I love you more all the time and I love your beautiful brown skin. It's part of what makes you, you...

I asked it where this came from, this question out of the blue. If someone had something to her, or this had been bothering her but she didn't answer. I wondered whether she thinks about this more than I realized. If she stills feels 'less than' at times.

I remembered the days in the first months after she came home where she tried to scrub her face 'clean' she would say, to look more like me. I remember how I wondered it it would be 'too hard' being a mom of a child of another race and now I know I wouldn't have it any other way. We were truly meant for one another.

As I was holding her in my arms trying to help her go to sleep tonight I told her that I think the fact that we look different makes us that much more interesting.

You know what Kajal, people look at us all the time and they wonder... they wonder how we came together, how we found each other. They're so curious and curiousity is good. We are different on the outside but we are the same on the inside. We have the same loving and kind heart and our different colors make us that much more beautiful, together.

I'm not sure if my words helped but I know my heart  hurts that she still wonders if I love her, still worries that I'll stop loving her and still feels insecure that I'll think less of her, love her less... because of her skin color.

Lately I've been thinking more and more about moving. It's a huge and scary thing for me, I've been a New England girl all my life. I don't even know how to drive. Due to my heart condition in earlier years it was suggested that I shouldn't get behind the wheel of a car in case I fainted or had a cardiac episode. Now that is no longer a concern and it's time I actually learned how to drive.  If I can manage that in the next few months, I thought I'd take a few vacations this summer with Kajal to explore parts of North Carolina and South Carolina...  It seems so crazy to be paying the kind of rent we do in Boston when we can live some where spectacular at half the price. I'm looking for all the obvious, great public schools, good health care, culture, natural beauty. The one thing though that I can't find in any guide books or website is how diverse is the area and how compassionate and liberal are the people.

Where can I find a place that we'll be accepted and celebrated for who we are. Where Kajal wont have to face daily discrimination. I want to find a place she'll be loved and celebrated. Where the color of her skin wont constantly leave her wondering if she isn't enough.

It's so weird... I grew up in a nearly all white town in Massachusetts. I never thought about it, it just was. Now, I feel so protective of her, of us and I wonder if I can find a place with the quality of life I seek for us.

And I pray that the day will come when Kajal will look at our reflections in the mirror and see one thing first, love.