I'm not sure what set it off. Perhaps it was the consequence. We've been doing so well lately that there hasn't been a need for any. I know, consequence is just another word for punishment but it seems so much softer to me somehow. We were out after dinner, walking the dog. It's our play time now that the weather has grown warmer. Kajal had brought her scooter down to the park and neither one of us remembered her helmet. As soon as I noticed I told her, no riding. She was okay for a while, played with friends and the dogs playing in the park but as we headed for home she kept jumping on it and racing through the park. I did what parents do and asked her to get off, or walk it slowly... and faster she went. Finally, I told her, no more scooter for a while. From that moment on the evening was a bit strained and by the time it was bedtime Kajal had started demanding that I give her a present the next day. Every once in a while I sneak a little surprise or little present into her lunch box. Tinkerbell mirror, my little pony yo yo, Hannah Montana lollipop, small things like that.  I explained that presents were rewards for good behavior and little surprises, not something we demand. She escalated and before I knew it, she was screaming at the top of her lungs. PRESENT! PRESESNT! She was in her bedroom and I calmly told her that with this behavior there would be no 'present' tomorrow. She went nuts. Sobbing, crying, out of control.

YOU'RE A MEAN MOMMY! YOU'RE A BAD MOMMY! I'm going back to India and I'm getting ANOTHER MOMMY!

I was doing everything I could to remain calm. The screaming got louder and louder. I sat in the living room, next to her bedroom. The door was open. I walked into her room and as calmly as possible I told her "You can say what ever your want but I am your Mommy, I'm staying your Mommy, you're not going back to India."

I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!! She screamed. Well, I told her, I don't like you're behavior but I like you and I love you too.

If you don't like my behavior you don't like me and I want another MOMMYYYYYYYYYYY! She screamed... sobbing at the same time. As I tried to step out of the room she grabbed me back... reaching for me with one hand as the other hand tried to hit me. She was literally torn, trying to push me away while trying to hold me close. I wrapped my arms around and rubbed her back as she sobbed. I just kept telling her, you're not going back to India. I will never send you back and no matter what you say or what you do, I'll always love you and I'll always be your Mommy. Soon her tears slowed down and I heard a muffled, I like you, Mommy. I like you.

I know baby... I know. Before bed she always seems to get ravenous. I always put a little snack at her bedside. Tonight it was water and a small bowl of popcorn. As I handed it to her, she looked up at me. Please feed me, she asked.

I realized as I fed her and the tears dried on her face, that sometimes, she just needs to yell and to cry. She had regressed to a younger age in her weary emotional exhaustion so I treated her as I would a baby or a toddler. It was what she needed and as she fell asleep and I sang my little off key lullaby to her, I realized how far we'd both come. In modifying my own reactions to her, in not losing control these episodes seem to pass more quickly and the healing, continues.