We have our Friday night ritual... going out for dinner and we hit Pizzeria Regina again this past Friday. I gave her the choice and well, let's just say nothing quite beats a meatball pizza in her mind at this point. We were sitting in our regular booth and Kajal was excited because there were teachers and kids from her school scattered through the restaurant. She's been more comfortable developing relationships lately, perhaps as her communication skills have strengthened her ability to interact with children has grown as well. As usual, I noticed the couple sitting at the table in front of us couldn't stop staring at the two of us. A family came in to sit at the table behind us and the little boy, as little boys will do, stood up to lean over the back of his chair and gaze at us. Except in this case, his head swung between the two of us and he couldn't stop ogling. From talking with other adopted parents of trans racial families I realized that Kajal and I, at times would attract attention but I didn't realize how much self control it takes to not snap at the people that just wont stop staring. I've reached a place with Kajal and I that I often forget we look different. I look at her and all I see is the daughter I love with all my being. I don't think about the fact that our skin color is different... it's just not part of my daily consciousness but as I looked around the restaurant I took note of the crowded tables, the line waiting to get in. It was all white. No Hispanics, no African American's, no Indians. Just, white. I looked at my beautiful child and I wondered, does she notice... does it bother her? Is this healthy? Our neighborhood is predominantly white. Her school, thank God, is highly integrated as children from all over Boston attend.

That night as we sat in front of the TV curled up with one of the High School Musicals... I asked her. I have to admit, my head went back and forth about 50 times, do I bring it up? Do I ask? Do I ignore? Will the question upset her? Make her wonder why I'm asking? etc etc Then, I just asked. Kajal, does it bother you that we don't live in a place with more people with brown or black skin? She looked completely puzzled by my question and without missing a beat said... No Mommy. Not at all.

Hmmmm. I brought it up to my mother who said that as long as a child is surrounded by love, that's all they need to feel accepted and 'part of'. Well, thank God, Kajal was feeling the love but I still found myself thinking about all the books I'd read about racial identity and how critical it is. Right now, Kajal is still threatened by most people she meets who are Indian but I know in my heart the only way she will overcome this and truly have a better understanding and acceptance of her own cultural identity is to spend time with more people from India... to be accepted and loved by those of her own cultural heritage. As I've started to research places to live and considered a move in the next few years I have to admit that I was drawn to an area of North Carolina where statistics show a growth of the Indian population.

For right now, she's okay. She is healing and growing stronger physically and emotionally every day. I know though, in the not too distant future I'll need to find more ways to spend time in more racially integrated settings.

Right now, Kajal is still in that emotional place of 'India hits, India bad' no matter how many times I tell her that there is good in India, because she is good and she is Indian... my prayer for her is that in time she comes to realize that there is good everywhere, all around us... in people and cultures from all parts of the world. Even India.