Kajal was so excited today when I picked her up from her after school program. I was so proud. I'd heard on my way over that she had won an award for a drawing she did celebrating ways to make the earth a healthier place. She had drawn a beautiful picture of the earth... showing Boston greener than ever. We were both so incredibly excited. Her class meets on the second floor of a beautiful old community center building. I met her upstairs and jumping up and down with excitement she showed me her drawing and her prize. We headed for the massive two story curved stairwell, to head home and as we approached the first step down she whirled around to tell me something and I saw her foot slide backwards over the edge of the stairs. Her body fell backwards and I jumped out and grabbed her... Thank God, I caught her before she fell. It was so close. This is a massive stairwell... two huge stories tall. She came so close.

We walked home, my heart pounding so loud I could barely hear anything else. It's five hours later and I still feel the knot in my stomach, the chills up my spine. The idea of her falling...

I know she's a survivor. She's survived the streets of India, abuse, neglect, malnutrition and God knows what else and here I am panicked some days that I can't get her to stop running around with a lollipop in her mouth or stop jumping while chewing gum.

The hardest part of being a mother is the fear that we can't keep our children safe no matter how hard we try. I know I can't take away the past... I can only love and protect her the best I can today. It's a fine line we walk, wanting to teach our children to be confident and independent while still teaching them to be safe.

I just wish I could get the image of her flailing backwards off of the top of a two story stairwell out of my mind.