My mother tells me that I can be stressed out over little things... that I put too much pressure on myself even when I'm being creative... setting to high expectations etc. Of course, that stresses me out, hearing her tell me that I get stressed out. I argue that I'm not that stressed, haven't been in a long time. Well, that's when I had time for daily meditation, before I had to get ready to become a mom, and then of course there is the fact that I'm in my first months of new motherhood, am single and working full time. But what's a little stress? Overall, I try and take time with Kajal every day for some straight fun, playing, creative, whatever it may take to laugh and be silly, fun. I don't want her to live in a house filled with strain or stress, I want her to be in serene home, a peace filled home... I'm working on that. In the meanwhile, it's almost Easter. I'm so excited about sharing another first with her that I got about three Dora Easter books to help her learn about what to expect as well as a book on the Easter bunny.  I've hung the Easter Bunny on the front door and we've been talking about making Easter Eggs. Next week is hear baptism and that will be followed by an Easter Egg hunt in the courtyard of the church. It's all very exciting... A few weeks ago I'd seen an Easter egg decorating kit advertised in the catalog of William Sonoma. Okay, $24 is a lot to pay for an Easter Egg kit but it is the master of egg decorating kits. It has beautiful little glue on flowers and butterflies, all the letters of the alphabet and glitter glue.. it's perfect! Ever since I saw the kit not other egg decorating kit would do (my mother may be little bit right about my liking to do things a certain way) so today I got Kajal dressed to head out and we jumped in a taxi to cross town and hit the mall and William Sonoma... I just love that store! We got the kit and a few other special Easter treats and wandered through the mall. She looked so cute in her pink turtleneck sweater and jeans. She wore this great little faux sheerling trimmed with faux fur I'd found on e-bay. We stopped by Sakes to look for a friend of mine then on to one of the kids boutiques where she picked out a pink headband and some polka dot barretes. As we continued to wander through the main walkway of the mall an older gentleman came up behind us... 'she's so beautiful, so cute' he said a little further down I heard his voice behind me mention again how adorable she was, something made me uncomfortable and I reached down to hold her hand, not bothering to look back. Thank you I mumbled as I held her hand tightly and continued through the mall. 'She looks just like a little movie star in that jacket' he said. I mumbled some sort of thanks and wandered further through the mall, intent on watching Kajal's excited reactions to everything she saw. It was just before we hit the Miss Kitty stall that it hit me. Kajal wasn't wearing her jacket. She hadn't been wearing it for at least 20-30 minutes, because she had grown hot in Saks, before we even hit the children's store where we remained for a while... quite a while before heading on through the mall. I felt ill. I hadn't noticed anyone following us or taking note of Kajal, I'd been so focused on her I hadn't bothered to look around.

I've been so involved with thoughts of the abuse and neglect Kajal suffered in the past... the awareness of how vulnerable she had been, I've not really thought about the preditors that exist in our own society, right here in Boston where we feel so safe and snug. As I sit here and think about the fact that some man may have followed us through the mall, focusing on my little one, I am chilled.