When I dreamed of having a child, I dreamed of cupcakes and birthday parties. Rocking her to sleep at night and wiping away her tears, building snowmen and Easter Egg hunts. One of the many things I wondered about was how I would introduce the concept and subject, of God. I have tremendous faith, really only discovered in recent years through many trials and tribulations, spiritual crisis and endless searching. Now, being at a place of true believing, true faith I knew that the greatest gift I could pass on to a child, help create, was a belief and acceptance of God and a true abiding faith. But where on earth do you start? One of my neighbors suggested starting simply, with nighttime prayer. I've always been one to believe that if you exist in a state of gratitude, life is more joy-filled, more peaceful. In our first weeks together I started simply with Kajal, before bed at night I would suggest we give thanks for all those we love and who make up our friends and family. This excited Kajal as family is so new to her. Soon after, we started saying Grace at dinner and Kajal took to that like a natural. Now, before we eat, it's often Kajal who sticks out her hands first, to grab hold of her Grandmothers and my hands and she jumps full force into her Grace. "God is good, God is great, thank you for my Mommy, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Phil, Uncle Bill, Holly, Brian and Brian, Caleb, Aunt Linda" and she goes on and on, thanking God for whomever is on her little mind at the moment... often thinking of those she hasn't even seen in several weeks.

A little while back, we were playing in her room and I mentioned how I had prayed to God for her, for him to bring a child into my life and that she really was the answer to all of my prayers. She of course was confused, who is God? She asked... uh, oh, the big question... He is the Creator, he made all of this, he made everything, I said... like what, Mommy. Like you and me, the trees and the ocean, our family, Logan and all of our kitty cats. She seemed to process it for a minute or two then raced off to find the beading kit she'd lost.

We've been to church almost every Sunday since we've been home and Kajal has attended Godly Play, the Montessori based Christian School (taught by myself and a few others) a few times. At Christmas, she learned that we were celebrating the birth of the Baby Jesus and one day, out of the blue, she drew a picture of her family and when I pointed to the multi-colored person flying above us all and asked... who is that, she responded very clearly, The baby Jesus, Mommy... see his arms out? Just like she'd been taught, he has his arms out to us all.

Last night, Kajal had another rough night and I'll admit, I didn't handle it very well. She went to sleep in just short of an hour or so (which was great) after finding a new sparkly Dora book hidden in our bed as a surprise. She was so happy, she jumped in bed and we read it together three times. She fell asleep easily but tossed and turned, kicked and flailed her arms all night long. In her sleep, she'd climb up on top of me, desperately clinging to me for comfort. I kept waking up with her on top of me... legs and arms kicking and swinging and hour after hour would have to wake up, pick her up and move her to the other side of the bed. I was exhausted and grumpy, not always as gentle as I could have been. Feeling a bit bad about that this morning I let her sleep late and then surprised her with a desert for breakfast, her new favorite vanilla pudding in a mini pie crust with whipped topping. She hugged me three times when she realized it was raining and she could wear her flowered pink raincoat and we sang our way to school.

She clung to me as I said goodbye and attempted to leave her class room. Gazing up at me, with complete, unconditional and trusting love she smiled... and she whispered, "Me thank you God... all the time"

I'm not sure which filled my heart more, the love and happiness in her eyes... the gratitude she was feeling for her new life or that the seeds of faith, had taken root.

Kajal's family portrait, (Grandma, the 9 she drew to represent the day she knew grandma was coming home, Feb 9, Mommy and Kajal... the 10 to represent her birthday, Feb 10) and of course, Jesus, above us, watching over us all