Christmas.... I remember last year, sitting in the pew of the Old North Church watching the children as they brought the figurines of the nativity up to the manger at the front of the church. I cried as I prayed for my own child. I wondered if in fact next Christmas, I would have my own. And here, it is, next Christmas... I sat in church tonight with my adorable little daughter and I cried again... for the joy of having her with me. She sat there, all prim and proper in her black and white dress with a big red bow, mary janes, pearls and her own special bindi (the jewel Indian women and girls where between their eyes which is the Hindu symbol for the third eye). I thought about how happy she's been lately (Thank God) dancing on the couch singing her own version of Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs and I thought about where she was just over a month ago. It's amazing to watch her sit and absorb, so gracefully, everything around her. Patti and Steve, the Vicars of the Church told the story of the birth of Jesus, the talked of wise men and angels, mothers and fathers... giving and receiving. Kajal walked with the other children to the nativity set as each figurine was placed around the manger. The music was breathtaking as we listened to the choir sing the Christmas Carols that make us all remember what the holidays are all about. Kajal glanced up at me and said quietly... (in English!) "Mommy, I'm an angel". I gazed at her and replied "yes, honey, you are". And then she touched my heart and said "Tu are an Angel".... my heart just about burst as I leaned in and hugged her and told her that we were both, truly blessed by the angels and by God. She's learning so fast... I love when she speaks to me in Marathi and even though I don't understand specifically what she is saying we find a way to communicate and more and more I seem to understand what she needs to tell me. I love when she says 'tu instead of you' and when she sings Christmas songs to the right tune with only a few recognizable words. I love that she sings at the top of her lungs, waving her arms above her head while jumping on the couch with a smile that is brighter and full of more joy than anything I've ever seen.

Her nightmares still come at night, but day by day this incredibly brave little girl embraces life and loves with all of her heart.

She reaches up, holds my face in her little hands and kisses me so gently. She expresses her love with hugs and words and random acts of generosity. She says "Merry Christmas" and "Felic Navida" 'Tank you' she puts and e before every word that begins with s, like 'eschool' and she claims the things she loves by pounding her heart...

Kajal is opening up more every day... she is slowly sharing with me little bits about her past. It was a harsh place, the orphanage. When she has her nightmares, she screams for food. Her little arms and legs flail... and she fights to protect herself from the unseen enemies that only live now, thank God, in these minutes of night terrors. I will do everything in my power to help this little one find peace and in the moments during the day when she allows herself to kick back and simply 'be' I will help her learn to celebrate what an amazing survivor she is.

For she is that, amazing.

Singing Jingle bells with her Grandmother