Yesterday was a hard day... early in the morning we went to visit Kajal's new school and register her. She saw her classroom and met her teacher, Mrs. Walsh. She was so excited... so much so that she just didn't understand why we had to leave and she couldn't stay behind with the other children. When we left the school she tried to go back in but the door was locked... the tears started on the way home. By the time we got home her tears turned into a tantrum, one of the worst we've had since she got home. I called her translator friend, Marinalini and asked her to explain that everything was okay... Kajal would be returning to school in the next few days. Kajal listened quietly but the tears started up again after we hung up. How could I explain to this precious child that she hadn't done anything wrong, I could see the doubt on her face, the confusion. The rest of the day she curled up with play doh and Dora but early evening when my mother came by Kajal was rough housing with my mother and kicked her, hard. My mother reacted appropriately... and told her how wrong that was. Kajal, looked shattered,shocked and confused. Sad, she hid her head on my lap and slowly started to shut down emotionally. Within a half hour she had curled herself up in a tight ball in a corner near the front door. I pulled her onto my lap and tried to comfort her but the reality couldn't escape me. As adorable and outgoing as this child can be I had to remember she is only home such a short time. Everything is still very frightening and confusing for her and her fear of being rejected is very real and very large to her. Here is a child where nothing has ever been permanent, no one, no love, no parent, no family. She's had too much loss for any one person, never mind an innocent five year old child. Blind fear I see on her face at times, and yes, pure joy at others. I realized tonight that without meaning too... I've had expectations of her, expectations of proper behavior, understanding etc and the reminder today was very clear... she is still a little lost child, fragile, frightened and very often confused and overwhelmed. I pray I continue to learn from her what she needs and each day, each hour she may gain just a little more faith that perhaps, this time, she wont end up hurt and alone.